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Nearly $900 is what it's going to cost to fix my car. There's a valve gasket leak, which is leaking oil onto my spark plugs and fucking things up. The spark plugs are under warrenty, because they had to be replace last October, they need to replace the coils, and the gasket cover. I fucking cried when I got off the phone with the mechanic.
Ugh, I completely understand the tears. I am facing some expensive car repairs myself and have considered just trading in my car. Ugh.
21:22 Aug 30 2023 Times Read: 218
$360 just to run a compression test to see if it's a coil or the fuel injector... I hate owning a car. If it's not either of those things, if it's something wrong with the engine itself, I'm fucked, the car is a total loss.
Stupid me, thinking this would an easy, inexpensive fix.
$140.00 to run a test on my 2019 Subaru. The issue was still covered under my warranty, thank goodness.
23:37 Aug 29 2023 Times Read: 257
The Versa is back in the shop, let's see what they say the problem is this time. I'm really hoping it's an easy and inexpensive fix, or, if it just has to be pricy, that it's parts that are still under warranty. They won't get a look at it until tomorrow, but that's fine, as long as I get it back to working order by Friday morning.
I am grateful though, that for its age and the miles it has on it, it's a 2008 with nearly 200k, it still runs extremely well. It's a pretty smooth ride, I haven't had a lot of problems with it since getting it back in 2017. The heater core thing was the start of all the problems, and that didn't happen until 2021, so I'm lucky. It's been a reliable car. I just hope it continues to be such.
Something's up with my car, yay! It's been sputtering a bit when it goes into idle, worst when it's in drive, it isn't as bad when I throw it into neutral when I'm at a dead stop. I'd say it's been doing that for about two weeks or so that I've noticed. This weekend while I was with Logan, the service engine light came on. Which means whatever it is, isn't really something I can put off like I was hoping. I was hoping it was just the humidity, since it's an older car, but that doesn't seem to be it. Logan ran the error checker thing and it read out cylinder 3 misfire, so yeah... I'm almost certain that's the same error it gave me last October when the sparks and a piston needed to be replaced. If it's any of that, it should all still be under warrenty, it hasn't been a year yet. So, I'm crossing my fingers that maybe it's just a vacuum leak or something somewhat easy, or if needs to be hard, something that is at least still under warranty. There's no reason the shocks or the piston should need to be fixed, I don't drive my car roughly, and I sure don't drive it too far. This isn't something that I need right now, though. Just one more stress inducer to add to the pile.
I get to see the kids for a second time this week. Liz asked me to watch them.for a few hours tomorrow so she can go to a doctor's appointment on her own. Lucas has the day off from school tomorrow for some reason, so she didn't want to have to take both him and Gwen with her, and my brother works a lot of hours, so she wants to give time to sleep. So, I said I'd watch them for a bit. I don't mind, I like spending time with them when I can.
And then later tomorrow I get to go and spend another weekend with Logan. Mina is going camping for a week, so we get three weekends in a row together. It'll be nice. Might go see Blue Beetle or we might just eat some edibles and watch all the Twilight films, as he's never seen them. Not sure yet what the plan will be. But, it's been helping me and my mental state, seeing him this much. I sleep better with him, I'm allowed to let go of all my worries and things that stress me out during the days where I'm on my own. But yeah, it'll be another nice weekend. Hopefully there won't be another earthquake while I'm there.
No, you don't get to say you're not something and then add a "but" in there, showing exactly why you are the thing you claim not to be. Own your close-minded, racist, bigoted bullshit if you're going to rail into a select group of people.
Yeah, you are one of those I tend to not like and didn't know why. But even so I'll give you honor begrudgingly don't you recall honoring your service. So yeah, some people I just don't like as their personality doesn't fit mine and works counterproductive to it. Though it still has a place in nature as one can learn many things from what they don't like and disagree with than what they do and agree with. You do seem to be one that milks journals and creates drama from my perspective. Many shy away from because you are an admin, but this is just a service I use on the internet not my everything like In This Moment song some think in their immature personality. So yeah I've got a few Jewish friends but that have humility while others are way too uppity for my taste.
You don't have to like me, that's cool. I don't much care for you from our few interactions. But, as a person of Jewish decent, I find shit like your journal entry fucking gross on so many levels. I'm not milking anything, merely commenting on something disgusting that was posted publically for all to read. If you don't want someone to call out your gross antisemitism, don't make it public. It's pretty simple.
Just like when he was bashing about computers saying how they got ads on the site,
and saying the apple doesn't fall far from the Tree,
Then I say the computer is only dumb as it's operator,
That's the not first comment this week,
That set me off,
From occult,
Then I saw how he complains about the chosen one because I call myself the chosen one,
For which I will only understand from my perspective I know many wont belive me and I accept that I just explain it naturally,
Not to mention the frenemy name calling got to stop coming from occult to just saying,
He's the one that always messages me says kismet landed,
Inside the honor charts when I told him countless times to stop it's gonna piss me off,
This has nothing to do with you. Calling a computer stupid is not the same as going in on a group of people due to their race or religion. Stop inserting yourself into things that do not concern you in my journal.
Well you keep viewing my profile just like the other two people and my portfolio like I'm gonna upload some real-life photo you all keep begging for,
you stay in you're corner and I will stay in mine,
Simple,
Stay away from me and I won't come to you again through journals,
Same with Tree,
Through others,
You claim you're all civil but I dont see much of that BS,
Again, this doesn't concern you. And you clearly cannot comprehend the reason this entry exists if you feel like "both parties are wrong." Go be ignorant someplace else.
The again, you did call me the "n" word in your own journal so maybe you're totally cool with people who say things about certain races or religions. Antisemitism might totally be your thing as well, I don't know.
00:01 Aug 24 2023 Times Read: 515
Watching Lucas and Gwen for a few hours while Kevin and Liz attend a school thing. You know, I've always wanted my own family, but I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out by not having children of my own when I have these two in my life. They are my heart.
You know, for a tropical storm, I sure did expect more than what we got. It's just been rain. And humidity, which alone is just fucking awful. But yeah. I expected torrential downpours and gusty winds, knocking down trees and powerlines and shit. We had worse rain just at the beginning of the year, when LA was flooding. Sure, we're getting a lot of flash flood warnings, but I have seen zero flooding. I have seen some accidents on the freeways, because Californians do not know how to drive in the rain, I even narrowly missed being in a multicar accident pretty close to home. But for what this was touted to be, I'm not impressed. The totally random 5.0 magnitude earthquake we had around 2:50 this afternoon was the most exciting thing to happen.
Lots of rain and now flash flood warnings and earthquakes, joy. I hope things lessen up a bit when it's time for me to leave and head back home. I don't want to drive that 76 miles in a torrential downpour again.
Yeah, no. The rain isn't all that bad, there's just a lot of it. But considering how much we had at the end of last year and the beginning of this year, it's not scary. It's humid as fuck though, and I'm not a fan of that. The earthquake was just a bonus surprise. A 5.0 magnitude outside of Ojai. We haven't had one that big in a while. Yay, climate change!
05:02 Aug 19 2023 Times Read: 696
Tropical storm warnings are in effect in Southern California. Currently it's only the high desert right now, but I'm sure as Hilary comes closer, it's be all of SoCal. So weird. I don't know if I remember the last time we had actual tropical storm warnings out here.
Edit: First ever tropical storm warning issued for SoCal. And global warming isn't a thing, right? We've never had hurricanes here and now one is blowing in. We're not fucking Florida.
Every time I have to do anything on my laptop it reinforces my hatred for it. I am never buying an Alienware product again. They just aren't the same as they used to be, Dell has really stripped them of the quality they once had. I'm having Logan build my next computer, at least then I know I'll have a quality product at the end of it.
Not anymore, no. There are far better options for a gaming laptop. I didn't buy mine to be a gaming laptop, I don't do PC gaming, I only play on console, which is why I didn't think an Alienware would be that bad. But it is that bad.
03:46 Aug 18 2023 Times Read: 766
Ahem...this is at the bottom of my profile, in case you need clarification on why I rate as I do.
Why do I rate the way I do? If I've rated you it may seem like I'm just being an absolute bitch towards you and rating you low, as I rarely ever give above a nine these days. But, that's really not the case. I rate based off written content, and what that written content says. Sure, you may have a couple of paragraphs, but said paragraphs could be song lyrics, or favorite quotes, or a number of other such nonsense. That doesn't jive well with me. I spent the better part of just about seven years getting my profile to where it is now. Yes, I know, there are no pretty pictures for you to look at. But, images won't give you insight as to who I am like words will. I want substance, I want to know you. So, if I've rated you low, you know why. You didn't give me substance, you didn't paint me a picture as to who you are as a person. That's all I desire. I don't care about your favorite movies, or bands, or colors. That's just the surface. No, I don't expect people to write me a novel like I have written on my profile, but I want something real from you. A profile is meant to give insight to a person. And a rate is a judgement. I judge harsher than most. If you don't accept it, that's on you. If you want to be petty and give me what I've given you, that's well and good. If you want to rate me lower just to prove a point, know that I will happily return that low rate. We can be adults or we can be children, just know I am not above playing the latter if it calls for it. Role playing, any kind of role playing, will get you nothing more than a five. This isn't the place to live out your delusions, to dedicate entire profiles to fictional characters with information you copied and pasted from Wikipedia or wherever else. Such nonsense will get you a low rate, and I will not budge on that. I'm accommodating, if I rate you low and you update your profile and shoot me a message letting me know, I will gladly re-rate you. But when it comes to role players, what you get from me the first time is all you'll ever get from me. Portfolios are rated either a one or a ten, there is no in between. You either have pictures or you don't, and if you don't, you get a one.
Labyrinth has been one of my favorite movies since I was a kid, right up there with The Last Unicorn and The Dark Crystal. And As the World Falls Down is one of my favorite Bowie songs. This version is beautiful, I could totally walk down the aisle to it.
I was also considering something even more geeky than As the World Falls Down, something Star Wars related, but I can't find a good mix of the Imperial March that I really like. Plus, I don't know if that would be just a little too much. I mean, Logan and I are huge nerds, but that might be a lot for a wedding. And I think I'm more into Star Wars than he is. So that would really just be for me.
The summer storms have finally arrived. I just got back from taking Mattis to doggy day care, and man, it's so gross outside. It's supposed to be around 103 today, and with that added humidity from the rain, ugh. It's not going to be pleasant. But hey, the brightside is that my car got a free car wash. Now it's only somewhat dirty and not caked in dirt like it was before. I can't wait for the weekend, where I'll be closer to the coast and dealing with cooler temperatures. I think I saw that it's supposed to be in the mid 80s this weekend in Hidden Hills, so that'll be nice.
Watched Elemental tonight with Logan, and it was actually really good. I didn't expect much going in, based on how poorly it did in theaters, but I was pleasantly surprised. 10 out of 10, highly recommend.
I get three weekends in a row with Logan starting next week, so I'm pretty stoked about that. It's not often we get multiple weekends together. I just have to get through this weekend, but it's dragging on and on.
Tomorrow I'm probably gonna go and spend some time with the kids. I haven't seen them in over a month and I miss them immensely. That's going to be the hardest part about moving to Texas, leaving my family. Everyone lives within an hour's drive of me, and that's going to be hard to say goodbye to. Especially Lucas and Gwen. But, on the other hand, I'm so ready to get the hell out of California.
All in all, it's been an okay birthday. My mom took me out to dinner, we went o my favorite Korean place, so that was yummy as always. I haven't been there in a while and I was craving the tofu soup. She then got me some cheesecake because I didn't want to go and make my birthday cake, spill have some of that later tonight. I got lots of messages from friends and family, which is always nice. I had hoped Liz and Kevin would offer to take me out to dinner, just so I could see the kids, but nah. Liz did send a text though, so I guess that's something. Tomorrow my mom and dad want to take me out to dinner again. It's just been very chill. I'm feeling marginally better, so, progress.
I wanted to thank everyone who sent me a message here, and Cursed for her kind journal entry. I truly appriciate the kind words and well wishes.
Yay! I am glad you have had a better than you expected for sure bday! I was hoping you would! Sounds like the fun will spill into tomorrow... and YUM cheeeeeesecake... I love cheesecake.
Happy Birthday! Hope you look forward to this time next year, and see all that you could change between then. And I hope those changes come to life for you.
PRIVATE ENTRY
05:29 Aug 10 2023 Times Read: 1,197
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
16:44 Aug 08 2023 Times Read: 1,265
I haven't really been around much lately, I know. It's doing my House a disservice, me not being around or active. It's just... Difficult for me right now. Not just VR, but the internet in general. I'm not going to harp on my personal issues or my current struggles, but I'm dealing with things as best I can. Unfortunately, that means my activity here is suffering a bit. I'll be back to normal soon, hopefully. And until then, I am sorry for not really being around. I try to log in at least once a day for at least a few minutes. I do respond to messages when I get them. I'm just.. Not really participating in anything. On any of my accounts. And, I am truly sorry for that, I know my inactivity affects more than just myself here. All I can say is that I'm doing my best and I'll be back to normal at some point.
Hugs. Take care of yourself first. This site will be here. Thinking of you!
22:24 Aug 07 2023 Times Read: 1,299
Logan spoils me. We went to look at Halloween stuff yesterday, just to get out of the House a bit, and wandered into Marshall's. He got me two Hocus Pocus pillows and a really soft black and dark teal throw blanket that has a palmistry hand print on it. We also wansered around Michael's and saw some pretty awesome wedding decorations with skeletons.on Saturday we went and saw Haunted Mansion. I actually really liked it. A lot of talk about suicide, more than I would have expected for a Disney film, and it was a little triggering, but still, I enjoyed it. It was much better than the Eddie Murphy one, and darker than I really expected. I can get why people don't like it, and why it's considered a "flop" but I throughly enjoyed watching it.
It was a nice weekend, but they always are. And that's why it's so hard to go back home where I have to wait another two weeks to see him again. But, it is what it is... He got me the pillows and the blanket in the hopes that it'll make it somewhat easier for me when I'm not with him. Hopefully it'll work, but I have my doubts. I sleep with the little Plague doctor squishie he got me the day we went to Medieval Times, and while it is something to hold onto, it doesn't really come close to replacing him. So yeah.
I'm just blah. This week is going to suck. My birthday is Thursday and I'm just gonna be worse and worse until it passes.
I'm not as bad as I have been in the past, I know that, but I can also recognize that I'm not okay right now. I'm trying my best to keep my head above the water, but I'm getting tired. I really hope this weekend with Logan will help me, put me in a better place. I'm always okay when I'm with him. But two days goes by so quickly. And then I'm on my own again for two weeks... It's a shitty cycle. I know things will get better, I know that. But right now, everything just kinda sucks. A lot.
I'm not looking forward to my birthday on Thursday. It is just another reminder that I'm going to be a year older with little to show for it.
Bah... I need to get back to where I was before. I was doing so well for a year and a half and now I'm just... Blah. I'm just blah.
I am so sorry. Hugs. I know what you are going through, as I struggle with the depression cycle and am not in the best place at the moment. I am always here if you need to talk.
18:43 Aug 03 2023 Times Read: 1,446
Ah, depression, we meet again.
All I want to do is sleep.
I haven't felt like this for so long, I didn't recognize it at first. At least I'm not in a full blown depressive state. It's pretty mild for me right now. But, still... Depression...
Music and friends usually help me find my way out of it, find what works for you and if you ever need to talk I am only a message away!
05:45 Aug 02 2023 Times Read: 1,501
Honestly, I don't know how it's already August. My birthday is coming up in a week, Logan's birthday is at the end of next month, then it's my mom, Liz, and Gwen's birthdays all withing days of each other at the beginning of October. Then it's the holidays. Where has the time gone?
COMMENTS
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Theodora
14:24 Aug 31 2023
Ugh, I completely understand the tears. I am facing some expensive car repairs myself and have considered just trading in my car. Ugh.